Counting Days

I served my last day at the Bank last October 30, 2009 — after exactly two years and two months of working for one of the country’s largest private commercial banks.

To the people who know what I’ve been through at the office, this is one of the happiest days of my life. I was in a state of bliss indeed. Why wouldn’t I be, at least I’d be out of the rut where I (and my colleagues) seem to have been “stuck.” Whew, at last I wouldn’t have to put up with ridiculous (and mostly irrational) screaming fits anymore. Plus, my days of praying for miracles are over. That easy. Or is it?

Well, honestly-speaking it’s not. It’s almost, how do you describe that, bittersweet? On one hand, you’re happy and relieved. On the other, you suddenly feel saddened. The two weeks leading to my last day were the most “critical.” Suddenly, the reality that you are already saying goodbye to your dearest friends is already sinking in. Admittedly, I am one of those persons who are almost in torment when muttering the word goodbye. What I didn’t like the most was the fact that I’d get nostalgic almost every minute. Thoughts (happy, of course) randomly pop up in my head. Sometimes, I feel that a good cry (and maybe a nervous breakdown) is the only option. To better describe it, the feeling was so low that I entertained the thought of revoking my resignation. Though obviously I didn’t do that.

As the days passed, and my “big day” approached nearer, I began to feel a certain peace. Like acceptance, as illustrated in the Kubler-Ross model of grief, wherein you begin to, well, admit the fact that one phase of your life has ended and you are about to tread a new journey. There are uncertainties, for sure, wherever that destination may be. It might not even be as prospective or even as obliging as the previous territory but, similar to others who have been through near-trauma experiences, I just want to get out, move forward, and start anew. A leap of faith, so to speak.

In any case, I’m just hopeful that this new voyage wouldn’t be as turbulent. With renewed faith and optimism, I’m looking forward to counting better days as I live out each moment.

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“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

Bill Cosby

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